Bring On the Rain

I'm feeling very reluctant while writing this blog because these are very personal thoughts and feelings, which make me feel incredibly vulnerable to share them. However, I feel it's important because I want my readers to know every dimension of which I am, and maybe someone can learn something about themselves, as well.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 17 years old and have battled it ever since. And "battled" is the perfect term because, while I end up winning every fight, it's a lifelong war. There have been a few periods of low where I secluded myself from the world, refused to get out of bed and simply slept 14 hours a day. Still, I felt blessed. Blessed because I never hit rock bottom. Blessed because, while there were days I asked Him to take my life while I slept, I never contemplated suicide. Although I knew there was something terrible going on inside my body that was nearly out of my control, I was so thankful to experience life.

Because I've dealt with it for so long, I've become a professional at noticing the early warning signs and am incredibly proactive. I eat healthy, I exercise, I surround myself with positive people who love me, I attend church, etc.

But I woke up this morning feeling a little sad. It was cold and rainy outside, and I was blue and gloomy on the inside. Although I am fully aware it only makes me more depressed, I laid around all morning. And when I said "all", I meant I woke up and then was glued to the couch from 7:30am-12:00pm.

Finally, at 12:01pm, I decided to defend myself. I got up, did the dishes, cleaned the house, and scrapbooked. The repetitive motion of doing the dishes relaxed me, cleaning the house made me feel accomplished and getting a few pages done from an album brought me joy. Suddenly, any traces of depressed feelings were gone. Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday…Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang (Montgomery Gentry’s Gone). I don’t know why I felt compelled to break out into song. Anyway…

Forcing myself to be happy actually works! It is similar to working up the motivation to go to the gym. The devil on your shoulder is screaming, "Stay on the couch and watch TV, fatty!" while the angel is whispering, "There are so many benefits to being active! You'll be happy you did it!" If you stay home, you feel a little worse but not enough to really affect you...BUT if you do cardio, pump some iron and sweat a little, you're so grateful you did! You feel accomplished, you have more energy, and are ready for beach season!

A 2009 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that 1 in 20 Americans over the age of 12 had depression. I have 506 Facebook friends, which means about 25 of them also suffer from this disease. That’s an alarming number! So if you're a statistic, tell the devil to go to Hell and enjoy the remarkable life you were given!