Pay It Forward

Last week, I was sitting in class just dying of thirst. I wanted needed something to drink...and badly. I felt like I was in a desert. Actually, this is a pretty good depiction of what I looked and felt like...

...except I'm a female, have longer hair (but not by much) and I shaved my face this morning. ;)

Okay, I'm embellishing it a little bit, much like I do my scrapbooks.

So I reached in my purse and found a $10 bill. I turned to the man sitting beside me and asked if he could break a 10 for the vending machine. Without thinking, he dug through his pocket, pulled out a $1 bill, and handed it to me. He smiled and said "Here you go." Throughout the entire semester, I've only said a hand full of words to this guy and was pleasantly surprised at his willingness loan me money, even if it was only a buck.

The following week, I walked in class and sat a dollar on the guy's desk. Confused, he was what it was for. I reminded him about loaning me money the week prior for a water. "I don't want your money!" he joked. "So you're just going to give me a dollar?!" I shrieked. "Yep," he responded, and turned around to continue to paint.

Two opposite extremes struck me at that moment:

1. Isn't that how society should be? Giving? Sharing? However, when I thought about it, it seemed very out of the ordinary that a near-stranger would be so quick to offer me something without wanting anything in return. I know it was only a dollar, but its the principle behind it. Too many people have become so selfish that they are shocked when someone does a nice gesture for them. And that pains me! I think these jerks need a slap in the face (and I won't complain if they don't return the favor and slap you back)!
2. I actually felt guilty for him doing something for me and me not doing anything in return. I've always been a selfless person and make sure I give back when someone does something for me. It is very difficult for me to just accept a gift or gesture "just because". I guess I'll just pay it forward. Has anyone ever seen that movie with Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osmont? It's one of my favorites! It has such a good message.

Happiness is contagious. Smile at someone who needs it. And gestures go a long way. Do something nice for someone when they least expect it.

Here are a few pictures that will hopefully make you laugh:

When you smile, the world smiles back.

Bring On the Rain

I'm feeling very reluctant while writing this blog because these are very personal thoughts and feelings, which make me feel incredibly vulnerable to share them. However, I feel it's important because I want my readers to know every dimension of which I am, and maybe someone can learn something about themselves, as well.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 17 years old and have battled it ever since. And "battled" is the perfect term because, while I end up winning every fight, it's a lifelong war. There have been a few periods of low where I secluded myself from the world, refused to get out of bed and simply slept 14 hours a day. Still, I felt blessed. Blessed because I never hit rock bottom. Blessed because, while there were days I asked Him to take my life while I slept, I never contemplated suicide. Although I knew there was something terrible going on inside my body that was nearly out of my control, I was so thankful to experience life.

Because I've dealt with it for so long, I've become a professional at noticing the early warning signs and am incredibly proactive. I eat healthy, I exercise, I surround myself with positive people who love me, I attend church, etc.

But I woke up this morning feeling a little sad. It was cold and rainy outside, and I was blue and gloomy on the inside. Although I am fully aware it only makes me more depressed, I laid around all morning. And when I said "all", I meant I woke up and then was glued to the couch from 7:30am-12:00pm.

Finally, at 12:01pm, I decided to defend myself. I got up, did the dishes, cleaned the house, and scrapbooked. The repetitive motion of doing the dishes relaxed me, cleaning the house made me feel accomplished and getting a few pages done from an album brought me joy. Suddenly, any traces of depressed feelings were gone. Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday…Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang (Montgomery Gentry’s Gone). I don’t know why I felt compelled to break out into song. Anyway…

Forcing myself to be happy actually works! It is similar to working up the motivation to go to the gym. The devil on your shoulder is screaming, "Stay on the couch and watch TV, fatty!" while the angel is whispering, "There are so many benefits to being active! You'll be happy you did it!" If you stay home, you feel a little worse but not enough to really affect you...BUT if you do cardio, pump some iron and sweat a little, you're so grateful you did! You feel accomplished, you have more energy, and are ready for beach season!

A 2009 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that 1 in 20 Americans over the age of 12 had depression. I have 506 Facebook friends, which means about 25 of them also suffer from this disease. That’s an alarming number! So if you're a statistic, tell the devil to go to Hell and enjoy the remarkable life you were given!